It would certainly be easier to come up with the right vocabulary if you fluent in over 6 millions forms of communication (ok, not really – that was a bit of a reach). My point is really that I’d have liked to have seen something like “partner” mixed in there and wanted to add that in the comment for the benefit of readers – I have certainly had a better time dealing with people when viewing them as teammates in trying to find something awesome for both sides rather than trying to be the predator to avoid being the prey.

Thanks for the critical eye! I’m glad that you enjoyed the article. One thing I struggled with while writing it was good words to use to make it sound less like a Mortal Kombat match.

Adversary, opponent, foe, competitor – they all sound combative. And I have a hard time using the same word over and over again, the only non-combative one I have in mind is counterpart. But using counterpart all over the place made me feel like C-3P0.

Also, expanding the pie isn’t my original concept. I can’t cite a reference to it, but I know it’s something they taught us in business school. I may have been able to do a better job explaining/softening that reference.

I’m glad you liked my Darth Vader reference. I kind of figured I’m writing to an audience who’d enjoy it.

There may be a bit of a shift in the tide on the horizon. From my super-scientific method of observing the portion of user group meetings dedicated to stand up if you are seeking a job/seeking someone to fill a job, I’ve seen a big shift in there being less of those trying to hire and more of those saying they are looking.

I like the post and your central premise is great, but early on, I thought I was going to hate it (except, of course, for the awesome Vader reference). Starting with talking about a pie with pieces for you to take and an adversarial relationship with the other participant in the negotiation is exactly the essence of the zero-sum game you later advised as a way not to view the negotiation. We wound up on the same page, but I think you were flirting a bit with the Dark Side first. This is especially true of using the term “opponent.” In a negotiation seeking a win-win outcome, you are more a partner in finding mutual benefit and not an adversary.

Again, I’m with you and I love the win-win premise and I think EVERY human relationship should be for mutual benefit or it should be severed. I dislike the pie analogy and the choice of that one word. You do well, though, to warn against a negotiator on the other side of the table treating you like an opponent and using things like high-pressure tactics and other shenanigans. In those cases, you’ve probably learned enough about what working there would be like from the way you are treated in the negotiation to RUN.

Thanks for another nice piece – please understand that my criticism is intended to provide value to the conversation and I do like the post greatly.

Glad you are enjoying the work I’m putting out. Otherwise you’d probably tell the editors to cut me off 🙂

Thanks for giving my rants a platform for reaching tons of people!

No kidding! I’m not sure how accurate this is (nor do I remember the source) but I read somewhere that for every talented Programmer/IT Professional there are currently 12 jobs available. I don’t know if 12 is the right number, but with the number of recruiters trying to get my attention right now, I wouldn’t put it too far off of the mark.